


On the Benefits of a Classical Education

by Vermin_Disciple



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, School, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vermin_Disciple/pseuds/Vermin_Disciple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bertie Wooster is inexplicably grading student papers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Benefits of a Classical Education

**Author's Note:**

> Sometime last semester, at about 1:00 a.m. after a round of grading undergraduate papers, I reached that point of giddy insanity where the idea of writing one's grading comments in Wodehousian pastiche seems like basically the funniest thing, ever. My coping mechanisms, let me show you them.

"What ho, Student! Jolly good work and all that rot. But I say, that is some dashed rummy punctuation, I mean to say, what? Bally difficult to parse, if that's the word I want. If you were a bit tight when you wrote it, well, I can't say I blame you. (I don't think I'd make it through a stack of these thingummies without a restorative glass of the old w. and s.)

But next time, it would - what's the word I want, Jeeves? Starts with be?"

"Behoove, sir."

"That's the ticket. Next time, old thing, it would behoove you to tackle the thing again once you've slept it off. Before turning it in, I mean. Did I miss anything, Jeeves?"

"It would be advisable, sir, to include a gentle reminder that, in spite of the tendency to anglicize it away in colloquial speech, the term _Homo sapiens_ should always end in an 's.'"

"My word, Jeeves, shouldn't they know that already?"

"Indubitably, sir."

"Even _I_ know that. It's something to do with Latin partridges."

"Participles, sir. I fear that the merits of a classical education are no longer as well-regarded as once they were."

"I was never any great decliner of n.'s and conjugator of v's, and what not, but it does seem a shame to let the old sys. die out. There's not a member of the Drones who wasn't squeezed through a classical education during their formative years."

"I suppose there is also that point to be considered, sir."

_Finis_

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, it is _Homo sapiens_. Not Homo sapien, Homo Sapiens, homo sapiens, homo sapien or anything else that is not _Homo sapiens_. And it's a species name, it should be _italicized._ Take note, students. Oh, and when you have been corrected on this point? _Do not continue writing it incorrectly for the next 4 assignments._ GAH. I'll just be over here tearing my hair out. /pet peeve


End file.
